So really not much has happned here the past few days - I have been suffering from a severe case of boredom. I have been kinda sick - but not sick but sick enough not to go out anywhere. I just want to run free doing something - anything. The other night I ended up applying for a apprenticeship with NMSI - It was where I landed and I knew that is where God wanted me- weird huh? I have no idea where I am supposed to serve but I know it is with them at least right now in life - I just feel a little wierd becasue I am on my internship with a different missions agency. Last night I had another meeting - it went ok. I forgot something that was important and Sean was all like...I'm very disapointed in you - why are we even having this meeting. I felt like trash but I came back withI know what I need to adress. I also told him that the academic side of the internship really wasn't his responibility - it was mine and what I don't do effects me. Yeah, I showed up wearing a huge baggy sweatshirt, my hair in pigtails, and no makeup - I looked young and I could not even remotely be accused of flirting - In dress or manner. I guess I am tired of trying to make these two people happy - its only been a week. If I do something especially in missions isn't it supposed to be for the glory of God and not to make sure that someone isn't "disapointed" in me. I was talking with Jacqui last night - we talk every all the time nowadays. She was reminding me that I have to make sure I respect Carrie and Sean - I think I personally have a very hard time respecting either one - and that is where my additude is coming from. It is changing - especially Carrie and I - but I see her almost everyday. I rarely see Sean. All teh issues with Carrie were easy to address - they were me - but with Sean I feel embaressed and arkward - the need to save face or to protect myself - I don't want to be hurt like I was last week - I don't want that shame- so I am doin everything in my power to make sure it dosn't happen again. Sean is my leader and Carrie's friend - he is not my friend and most likely never will be - I am ok with that - I just have to make sure that I show him respect and treat him as a brother in Christ - this whole treatig people as Christ would really bites at time becasue everything in me is screaming - keep him away - be closed but Christ in me is saying - who are you to treat him this way. Humm...yeah this has been yet another glance inside my head and the way I work through an issue - I hope I didn't scare anyone and that you enjoyed the show.