So I just lost a whole page of my blog - I have no idea how but suddenly the screen wet blank - I guess I'll try this again.
So life is crazy busy here - On a go all the time. Friday night was so fun- I think I had more fun than the kids did. I stayed up all night long and even cooked some sweet as eggs the next morning. Here they say "sweet as" after everything it's really funny funny cause it sounds like sweet ass - I have to try not to giggle everytime. I really really like the youth group here - the youth minister is amazing - AJ. He is so very dedicated and does so much with the little budget he has. I have to admit I am trying not to have a crush - not a physical ohhh he is so cute kind of thing (which he is cute - don't get me wrong) but its more of an attraction to his ministry and who he is. It's nothing really at all - nothing and no way is it two sided. I swear people are prettier here - guys and girls - It's really true. The on Sat I slept till 4pm and the rents had a dinner party. I was still inm,y PJs when the guests arrived - I was sent to their bedroom to watch TV and Jackie brought me some food - say no to pumpkin soup - its' totally gross - eghtyuysgahj. I felt like the lil kid of the kid at the diner party. I got to watch America's next top model though - it was really good - I have o life. I went to bed at 10 casue I got bored - my life is sad. Today I went out to lunch with the girls - I HAVE FRIENDS - like I am making real ones - after 2 weeks of being alone I am excited - I really am liking people and I want to stay in New Zealand - people are trying to get me to move here afetr I graduate - ok I am not at that point yet. I am finally seeing my purpose and my place - thank you God. It has honestly been the hardest two weeks of my life - it's not over yet but I know that God is carrying me through it all.
Tres - I can't remember your blog and Michelle doesn't have it as a link - I need to know yours pleeeeassse friend.

I changed my bl;og all by myself - I hope I did it right. I like the new look - I feel all artsy and cool - like I am writing some great poetry or a calassic novel...But no its just me and my thoughts. Well this week has been sooo crazy here in New Zealand. It has been better much better. I don't want to run home anymore - which is good. I am making friends here - yeah and meeting people my age. On Monday night I taught Engish to 9 Japenese guys - it was really fun. They cooked dinner for us and I ate beef tongue and liked it. I started work on the Church's library here - it is a mess and one of it is in a computer well now it is because I have been wokring my booty off - I am like 1/4 of the way through it all. I also had small group for the first time - I love it so much...it was like yeah I found a place to belong. I wet out with the girls on wednesday night - sooo much fun. We talked about everything and I was able to be myself. It was great fun - I laughed so much. Then on Thursaday night I was able todo a Bible study with Jenny, a Chinese woman, that Carrie has been working with. It is really exciting becasue she is on the brink of acceptig Christ and I get to see and be a part of it. I really like Jenny a lot we have a lot in common. Today I have the day off becasue tonight is the all-nighter. It has been wonderful to be a bum all day...a productive bum. I have cleaned the house quite a bit and the trash pit that has been my room. I am so excited about tonight and I hope the kids like me - they like my accent but I want them to see Christ in me. God is really providing for me and I have just been finding my place - and learning and adjusting. I am glad that I have come and I am getting excited about the summer - 2 weeks later. 8 weeks to go - woder what all could happen...maybe a first date - dare to dream Corey.

I changed my bl;og all by myself - I hope I did it right. I like the new look - I feel all artsy and cool - like I am writing some great poetry or a calassic novel...But no its just me and my thoughts. Well this week has been sooo crazy here in New Zealand. It has been better much better. I don't want to run home anymore - which is good. I am making friends here - yeah and meeting people my age. On Monday night I taught Engish to 9 Japenese guys - it was really fun. They cooked dinner for us and I ate beef tongue and liked it. I started work on the Church's library here - it is a mess and one of it is in a computer well now it is because I have been wokring my booty off - I am like 1/4 of the way through it all. I also had small group for the first time - I love it so much...it was like yeah I found a place to belong. I wet out with the girls on wednesday night - sooo much fun. We talked about everything and I was able to be myself. It was great fun - I laughed so much. Then on Thursaday night I was able todo a Bible study with Jenny, a Chinese woman, that Carrie has been working with. It is really exciting becasue she is on the brink of acceptig Christ and I get to see and be a part of it. I really like Jenny a lot we have a lot in common. Today I have the day off becasue tonight is the all-nighter. It has been wonderful to be a bum all day...a productive bum. I have cleaned the house quite a bit and the trash pit that has been my room. I am so excited about tonight and I hope the kids like me - they like my accent but I want them to see Christ in me. God is really providing for me and I have just been finding my place - and learning and adjusting. I am glad that I have come and I am getting excited about the summer - 2 weeks later. 8 weeks to go - woder what all could happen...maybe a first date - dare to dream Corey.

Yesterday was Carrie's birthday. I spent an hour on the beach by myself - watching the Pacfic Ocean crash into land - it was great. God gave me during my journaling time a illustration about my life. The beach is covered with seashells - everywhere. Well I sat down and I found this older shell - was just a pieace of the shell. It was bright white and all it's sides were smooth - It looked completely smooth but yet it still had some faint markings....then I found another shell - it was newly broken - it was still colorful and unique - so sharply broken it could cut. I guess what God showed me was the different steps of being broken for Him - The process involved - also even the one that looked finished still wasn't. this has been deep thoughts by Corey.
Other than that it was a fun day - I went out to dinner and went to downtown auckland on a ferry - it was so much fun. I love the ocean so very much - is it wrong that it is making me ok with being here. I also had some good converstation with 2 of teh chinese women - it was fun.

Many missionaries experience a period of time called the honeymoon period where they see everything about the new country as wonderful and delightful - all teh quirky customs are quant...well I skipped that stage - I have already hit full I wanna go home and I don't want to be here. It's not that I don't like it here - it is great here - I am just kinda tired of only having Carrie and not having anyone here - which I know will change...I just am missing friends - like Kelly, Jesse, Missy, Hannah, Josh, well everyone...I am just whining now. I just don't feel connected with Carrie - Everytime I say anything I get corrected - I can't be myself I feel like I can't say anything - so I am quiet all the time - yeah me quiet. No on a different note yesterday we went to teh thermal wonderland - it is an area that has been shaped by the volcanic ativity here - lots of boiling mud, hot springs, pools of differnt colors - bright blue, green, redish, ghesters, and other "thermic" stuff. Then last night I went to a Maori (the national peoples of NZ) traditional dance and dinner - so the men wore only a loin thing - I saw things that these virgin eyes had never seen before - I was shocked by hairy well you know...I was all like oh my and looked at the ground - averted the eyes- yeah uhmm the food was good. it was all interesting. I also finished Blue like Jazz - which I think is the most awesome book ever - other than the Bible that is. Today I am going to some lakes and gardens adn we are having extended quiet time - I am looking forward to being around water and having some quality time with God

The hardest part about the internship is teh waiting around - Yesterday I was at the house till 4pm waiting on the Carrie's car to get fixed - I was able to call everyone and check in with Brent Brewer about internship stuff. Then we went for a walk in some shops - I got the cutest cards to send to some people. Then I offended a shopkepper - I compared prices out loud - a major no no. I felt horrible and Carrie even spoke to me about it -I said I know I know...Then was home group which was actually really good - I like it a lot. Today I am leaving for my first New Zealand roadtrip - should have alot to write about then. I call home this morning to find out that my lil sister passed out yesterday and fell on her face - it was so deep you could see her skull...she broke her nose, scratched her skull and cut her face from eyebrow to eye brow...I feel so bad for her - mom says the got a plastic surgen but the scaring should still be nasty - Kristen's all upset ad refuses to see anyone or go to school - she says she's a monster (she's 15) I just am praying that its isn't too bad - kinda hard when you are't there to see it- I can only image what its' like - huh I am kinda upset by this all - I never cry but I find myself chockig back the tears right now. I guess I am lonely here right now - all I have is carrie and she doesn't even know me very well right now...I feel like I am in a box and I can't breathe or express who I am - ahh teh joys of overseas missions. I know that this willpass and God will place friends and people to build relationships with in my path - I just have never been very good at waiting on God. Ohh I am reading Blue Like Jazz - its amazing - I ca't put it down. It is all about this guy's walk with God and how non Christians see Christianity but not - it has so many layers --- possibly one of my favorite books ever.

Yesterday was a bumming around kind of day - I went to church - so good and met some people - whom I have no idea who they are now. Then I went home to do some homework and fell asleep for a few hours - was like a regular sunday. They don't have sunday school here - its a controveral idea here - but they have small groups - I think I am joining 2 of them for the summer - one is the youth ministers and the other is well I don't know yet. Uhm then the rents roasted a lamb and some veggies - sooo goood - seriusly so muc h better here. She laughed at how I eat one food at a time - saving the meat for last. Then I watched CSI and Law and Order - it was a fun day. I worry about living with them sometimes - I already see some martial issues and Conner is a typical 2 year old - he even hit me yesterday - I wasn't doing anything he just hauled off and couch punched me - good thing I am a girl. Other than that the skies are blue and clear which menas it was an extremly chilly night but today it is getting quite warm. I was able to make some calls to the states thjis morning - My body woke me up at 5am - but I feel back asleep at 8 but I overslept my alarm for 9:30 - kinda bites. I hate sleeping in I feel as thpugh I have missed the whole day. Ohh yeah and there are really cute guys here - not that I am looking for anything - I just have noticed and appricated. I think dating on short term trips is stuipd - I mean somepeople can do it - but I don't klnow how to date or be a girlfriend - add cultural issues top deal with...way too much. This should be a very interesting summer/winter here.

Today was so much fun - ahh so many things to tell. First my body woke me up at 6:30am - my alarm was set for 7am - so I went to the loo - so fun saying that and the cat (pepper- but you gotta call her peppa) jumped in bed with me so that was fun. Then at 8:15 Carrie picked me up for a fun day of meeting with her Chinese women that she meets with - so much fun. Then her friend Sean showed up and added to the maddness. The women are total shopoholics - it was really fun to watch- carrie does retail therapy with them to teach the english- which means we get to go shoping all the time (I bought a fleece - $14 but in US it was only like $8) I also learned that you don't have to buy anything - I need the fleece - so cold here. Uhmm well then I met Sean he is soo funny - not a typical New Zealander at all - very outgoing and loud. I found myself being me with him - my humor and sass came out with him - I felt like I could be myself which felt wonderful after 2 days of being the new girl. Yeah and he cought a man skirt - it's an island thing - later he said he liked my purse and I told him we could go try to find him a man purse and he was like you're cute (cute doesn't mean the same thing - he meant I was being smart with him) My mind and accent it already going towards theirs - which is funny. Ohh yeah so we ate at this Chinese resturant - so fun - I tried chopsticks until the server saw my pathetic attempts and brought me a fork - I felt like a failure - I will learn ohh yes I will. Thw chinese women ordered all of the food - yeah uhmm I thought I was goin upchuck at a few points - I had this pork thing - at least I pray it was pork but it was all slimy and gross and then I saw them - they were Chicken feet - and they were eating them - my stomach literally jumped and I almost lost what little I ate right there- I had to say no - I 'll try it another time - they were cool about it so that was fun. So yeah that was my day - ohh I forgit to tell about Conner yesterday - he is the 2 and a half year old lil boy I live with here - so he likes me - big surpise there but he was following me around and I had to use the bathroom right - so I go in and lock the door - He starts beating on the door and screaming for me to let him in - I have't had a good bathroom time in like 2 days so I am kinda hurting / desperate to go but this kid is beating on the door - it was enough to make a person a lil nervous...well finally his mom takes him and is all like - Thats is Corey's special time in there and leave her alone. So yeah I am totally loving it here - I am so in the honeymoon stage and I love it - tonight is Quiz night at the church - I belive its like trival pursit - so yea I will be the stupid american but what the hay I'm used to that.

So I am in Auckland - It is increadible here - right now I am facing the bay - huge storm clouds are billowing - so close you feel like you can reach out and touch them. The people have so far been very nice - they are quite a bit more reserved than we are in the states. I am way tired right now - the missionary is keeping me awake - I am still trying to figure out some way to get away from her to seek sleep. I got to walk along the beach this morning - right after sunrise - it was raining lightly and the waves were gently lapping on the black shore. I can't belibe that God has blessed me with coming to this place...it is utterly amazing - get ready for all my pictures. This land is special - so very special - you know that God has molded and touched this place.

So last night around 11pm I found out that I fly out to New Zealand at 5:50pm the following day - thats today...ahhh I am so mad at myself...But so much makes sense - leaving early - time with Kelly and Ethan. Oh I also saw Kill Bill Vol 1&2 yesterday - I am giving up Bible college for my true calling - Being a Kung FU master. Other than that I must shower and pack - so much to do.

So it has been awhile since I have written...a lot has and hasn't happened here at home. First I have been doing a good job keeping my cool and I have been gentle - which is hard to do at times. I know that it is God because I have been saying and doing things that are against everything I am. Second I got to hang out with my senior class - it was sad but actually really good - I am totally glad I transfered - I have been changed and molded by God in ways that only could have happened because I transfered. I am really missing my CSF buddies - this sunday kinda sucked without them. I mean it is good to be at HCC but I am only a vistor now - it really isn't where I fit - and thats not a bad or good thing -I am just not home very much. I do however really enjoy anytime that I get to be taught by John T. (the college minister at HCC) He always talks about something that I really need to hear...which is amazing because I never really have talked to John a lot - I mean I know him and he knows me but I am always talking about something I am doing - not him or I am with Kelly (my BF here) and I don't really talk a lot then ----hmm I will change that next time I see him. I also got to go to the Art Musesem today - I decided that I either want a huge orange cat or a son named Thaddeus..I totally dig the name (it is the name of one of my favorite portats)
God has just been breaking my heart to truely learn what subbmission is...not just as a female (I really don't have anyone to submitt to but still - dare to dream one day)but as a Christian. I am so selfish even in my doing good. God is just teaching and revealing more and more about what a woman of faith and intergity is. I guess I am kinda starting to understand who I am...starting too...I just wish I knew where God was leading me..I know its into the ministry but in what way. Also, I decided today to stop planning and thinking about weddings or a husband -paryicularily mine since it isn't goin happen any time soon (which I am totally ok with - and because I hupperventalte and almost pass out everytime someone tells me tehya re getting married - ask Genivea - turned white as a sheet and couldn't breathe)Other than that I think its only 9 days till NZ baby

Today I am home...well 9 hours later and I am home I also like to think of it as...
15 freakin Ebnicrap people songs later
5 major constrution sites
2 1 liters of Mountain Dew
1 book on tape
1 almost accident - yeah its was all my fault - don't change and drive at the same time - bad things can happen
So yeah I actually really enjoy driving home by myself - time to think and ponder the deeper things of life - like my wedding and what happened to Ace of Base - they were extremely talented - I saw the sign - was a master piece.
Otehr than that I so I am home but I Am also not home - I am like Jesus in that I have no place to lay my head for the night - I have no bed or couch open to me I have to sleep with my mom - dude she snores like the dead and steals the blankets - so I guess its good prep for living with a man one day ( dare to dream). Anyway Iam way tired and I will find somewhere to sleep....

So today has been a great day...it will be a great day..I decided to leave school tommorow at like 8:30 am which throws everything all crazy and rushed like...but ohh well such is life right...sorry Tres I really need to get home...there is some major stuff going on that I need to be there for. I am sad that I won't get to see you - you will just have to visit next semester or come to New Zealand to see me. Ohh 13 days till NZ

You know those days that you don't really get to sit down and relax at all and when you do you are utterly exhausted..yeah thats today. I am in a much better mood today - praise God. I am just exhausted and I think of everything I have yet to do and I get dizzy...2 more finals in 2 days then I can sleep and go home. Ihope my family is ready for comotose corey - its when I go home and I sleep for like 3 days straight - My body, mind and spirit are just so fuzzy and tired right now. My room is so empty now - I took my couch and a lot of small crap to the storage locker...which is nice - I feel like I am making progress in moving out - slow and steady wins the race right? Oh my book for the summer came in today - Blue like Jazz - so excited to read it - I have to wait till I get to NZ so it will count towards my internship reading - so hard not to dive right in.

You know those days that you don't really get to sit down and relax at all and when you do you are utterly exhausted..yeah thats today. I am in a much better mood today - praise God. I am just exhausted and I think of everything I have yet to do and I get dizzy...2 more finals in 2 days then I can sleep and go home. Ihope my family is ready for comotose corey - its when I go home and I sleep for like 3 days straight - My body, mind and spirit are just so fuzzy and tired right now. My room is so empty now - I took my couch and a lot of small crap to the storage locker...which is nice - I feel like I am making progress in moving out - slow and steady wins the race right? Oh my book for the summer came in today - Blue like Jazz - so excited to read it - I have to wait till I get to NZ so it will count towards my internship reading - so hard not to dive right in.

So I can mark a hot bath off my list...a half an hour shower does the same thing...my toes are all wrinkled. Ohh and yet again water is the calming element in my life...Now I am off to read a good book and the good book.

So today was interesting...ever been in a bad mood that you can't shake off...thats me. I am trying to be happy...but it seems so fake...but yet I can be happy...its wierd. I quess I am am just so ready not to be here...my semester has kinda sucked hugely in a lot of ways...I mean the whole friend getting mad and and no longer being my friend thing sucked royally. Then another friend gets lost in a boyfriend wait fiancee...then another to well...I am not sure what happened with this one but I think it was both sides to blame. I guess my body and spirit are finally getting fed up with everything that has happened. I am tired of being sensitive. I guess there is a lot involved...my family is having some major problems...my brother is in a lot of trouble with the law right now...and I don't know how innocent he is...that is weighing on me heavily. I guess I just need a hot bath, a good book, and a good friend to just hold my hand when I finally allow myself to let it all out. I also worry that I will never be able to do ministry...how I who is always so broken and searching ever led others. I know that God is quietly holding and carring me through this storm. I know he is here and will remain by my side until the day comes that I will be with him forever. I will not grow weary...I have to keep remembering that.

So yeah I haven't felt like writing in this for a while. Well, I have been crabby...well just sad. Its the end of the semester and I am realizing that everyone is graduating from my old school. I guess I have just been missing MCC. I am glad I transfered but like at Senior banquet I just don't fit in because I didn't start out here. I mean I honestly don't want to be friends with half of the seniors - but I honestly miss my best friends at MCC with all my heart. Anyway other than that I have been dealing with a guy who is supposed to be my friend but is acting all wierd and standoffish...I guess I am just hurt by it...at senior banquet I looked really good...for real I looked dang good...and he just walked by me and didn't even say hi. Finally at the end he just said hi and then left...I guess my feelings and pride were hurt. So after the banquet I just walked along the river in silence which was a beautiful thing. Water calms me so much and is so beautiful to be around...I decided that I must live by water when I graduate. Yesterday I just slept all day and then went out driving. I rented the one movie that makes me truely happy on the inside...Much Ado about nothing. I love Benedick...not the guy who plays him...but the character...he is probally one of my favorite characters ever in a play. I also got to paint...ahh all the feelings of stress, hurt, and confussion melted away. So basically I am way excited to leave on Friday morning - 5am...so excited. Today is the last day at the CSF and I am sad...I'll miss it. oH I get to go on my old college's senior trip with my friends - I am so very excited.